Today was interesting, and filled with mixed emotions. I will start from the beginning. So i recently got on myspace. I dont know why, i just had the urge to do it all of a sudden. Well, i got to looking at my sister's myspace page or whatever and remembered my cousin Carrie had got in contact with my sister. Carrie is a little over 5 years older than me, and is my cousin on my dad's side. The "beck" side of my family used to be really close. When we were little we would have a family reunion like every year or so, but after my grandparents died, those kinda fizzled out. In fact, the last time i saw her was probably at my grandma's funeral freshman year of high school. She is one of the only cousins i actually remember from my dad's side (that is, I remember her name and some actual specific events) and one who i really liked. So anyways, i sent her a myspace message to see whats up, I was totally not prepared for what happened next. All day today (yesterday now) i looked forward to hearing from her...i have no idea why because that is uncharacteristic of me. I guess i was excited because i read over her profile and felt like we had something in common, except for the fact that she lives in oregon, is married, has a 2 1/2 year old son, and is graduated from college. Needless to say, it is always nice to find another co-laborer in the faith, especially in your family. So i was excited, but things were put into perspective when i got her message. I read her message, in fact i read like 4-5 times. She let me in on a little bit of what's been going on in her life. What her husband does, about her kid, and then let me know she how MS (Multiple Sclerosis).

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a chronic disease that affects the brain and spinal cord. MS can cause a variety of symptoms, including changes in sensation, visual problems, muscle weakness, depression, and difficulties with coordination and speech. Although many patients lead full and rewarding lives, MS can cause impaired mobility and disability in the more severe cases.Multiple sclerosis affects neurons, the cells of the brain and spinal cord that carry information, create thought and perception and allow the brain to control the body. Surrounding and protecting these neurons is a fatty layer known as the myelin sheath, which helps neurons carry electrical signals. MS causes gradual destruction of myelin (demyelination) and transection of neuron axons in patches throughout the brain and spinal cord, causing various symptoms depending upon which signals are interrupted. The name multiple sclerosis refers to the multiple scars (or scleroses) on the myelin sheaths. It is thought that MS results from attacks by an individual's immune system on the nervous system and is therefore categorized as an autoimmune disease.Multiple sclerosis may take several different forms, with new symptoms occurring in discrete attacks or slowly accruing over time. Between attacks, symptoms may resolve completely, but permanent neurologic problems often persist. Although much is known about how MS causes damage, its exact cause remains unknown. MS currently does not have a cure, though several treatments are available which may slow the appearance of new symptoms. MS primarily affects adults, with an age of onset typically between 20 and 40 years, and is more common in women than in men.

Needless to say, i was shocked. I was speechless, all i could think of was how much that stinks. I was kinda angry as well. The thing is, i am usually not emotional over stuff like this, it just hit me hard today. The thing that got me as i was reading over some of here blog posts and her message a couple more times is her unwaivering faithfulness to the father. I mean, i am blown away at her determination to fight. She even told me she is stubborn and needs to use a cane, but hates it and doesnt like to use it...sound familiar? God just really showed me today how blessed my life and how i am given so much, yet am not totally faithful all the time. Conviction. I just realized how hard it is love God, and what afflictions may come. How will i deal with them? Will i try to run away, or complain? Will I allow God to challenge me through them? Will I allow Him to work stuff out, or will I try to take control?

Phil 1.6